Melissa Acedera

A Date with Endeavour.

melissa — Mon, 28 Jan 2013 12:35:20 +0000

So, I am the kind of girl who cries when seeing a space shuttle up close. I know that now.

Yesterday as part of L.A.’s annual museum free-for-all, I decided to take myself on a solo date to see space shuttle Endeavour. Like a giddy schoolgirl, I packed a small picnic and my camera in my backpack and headed out to Exposition Park. I knew there would be a crowd there on a day like yesterday, but I didn’t mind. Often when I travel alone, crowds do not bother me as much. I have less to worry about when I am alone. The only moods and hunger I am managing are my own and I wanted the time to absorb reading every single exhibit that fascinated me and that is exactly what I did.

During my formative years, my parents (especially my Dad) avoided crowds like the plague. And in my adult life, I have learned to love crowds but this only works when I am by myself. Other people’s moods affect me a lot and when entrenched in a crowd, both good or bad — the experience changes.

Having a packed house at Endeavour made the experience that much more enjoyable. Before seeing the shuttle itself, there is a walk thru exhibit that takes you through Endeavour’s journey in California. My favorite part was a video that was shot during the 68 hour journey Endeavour took through L.A. streets from LAX to the California Science Center. After seeing how Endeavour flew through our skies ferried by a Boeing 747, millions of people watching as she flew across the US — it made my heart swell to experience this collective of pride and love. And at the exhibit, seeing little boys and girls running around with diecast models of Endeavour, asking their parents and grandparents endless questions about this beautiful craft, I couldn’t help but wonder how many future careers in science and engineering were hatched at that moment. I watched a little girl look up at Endeavour’s belly for a good five minutes, marveling at her as she marveled at the shuttle’s grandeur and I started to cry. I’m a fan of what Endeavour means to the world. And what she will mean to future generations, how she will educate, inspire and innovate.

Endeavour, like many great models of inspiration, is like a human thread. I felt like almost every race, age and color was present at the exhibit yesterday and that is what really moved me. Endeavour can bring so many people together and for a moment while coalesced in her splendor give us all a chance to feel part of a collective. How often do we get a chance to feel this way?

So, yes I do cry at the presence of space shuttles. But at least now I know the real reason why I do.

Standing On Ceremony

melissa — Sun, 27 Jan 2013 15:36:37 +0000

“I should start blogging again”, I keep telling myself.

That was probably last year. Or even the year before that. Like most things in my life, I just put it on the back burner since I simply do not have enough time. But is that really true though? I somehow manage to make time for other things. Why not this? Perhaps it’s because I have always looked at blogging as a formal task. ”I’ll blog when x, y, z factors are in place…” Most of the time those x, y, z factors involve being A.) Ready, B.) Ready, C.) being up really early in the morning after I’ve had my first cup of coffee and I am buzzing so hard and I’m so excited about my thoughts that I just have to get it out there. D.) Ready. So when lightning strikes basically. But it doesn’t have to be that way. The trouble with me & blogging is I am quite private about my emotional life anyway. And the only thing that I’ve been comfortable enough to share in public are my thoughts about losing my Dad. So let’s start there…

It’s been 8 years as of yesterday. It blows my mind that time has flown so fast. 8 years since my Dad died. I remember when my former boss told me just a few weeks after my Dad’s passing, “Melissa, one day you’re going to wake up many years from now. You’re going to look back at this time and think how fast time has flown. It hurts a lot now, but I promise you one day it will all make sense.” It’s weird to be in that moment. Being in the moment of really fully understanding the wisdom my boss shared. And it takes YEARS. Years of exploring my thoughts, exploring various ways to heal, exploring on foot, exploring, period. I had to really get out to get back in.

This blog was created upon the heels of my father’s passing. I used it to navigate my thoughts through my mid to late twenties, to impress a boy, my old school blogger friends, whoever took the time to read it (thank you, all). I had a lot of questions at the time — the same kind of questions every 25 year old would have. But as I look back, all the writing was really to convince myself that I was going to be OK. I didn’t even know what that meant. What does “okay” even look like?

I think it’s no surprise to me that in recent years I’ve used this blog as a checkpoint. Every year, at my dad’s death anniversary — I sit in silence and meditate on just how much I’ve grown since his death. There’s nothing wrong with that really. But I have wanted to write more. To get back to a time when the thoughts flowed freely and I was less inhibited about sharing them. And as much as I want to stop using his death anniversary as my own personal blogging checkpoint, I just have to embrace the fact that it is what it is (I hate that saying actually, but it’s true). I just have to accept that this is what I do. And I’ve learned to do that in little ways here and there. Just discovering the ways I do things and really being kinder to myself. Being kinder to myself has been a nightmare of a challenge, but one that has opened the most doors.

No longer holding myself accountable for not being my ideal self, but embracing what is. The trick to that? The me now is the ideal self I wanted many years ago. Leveling up is a moving target. It never stops. We get to a checkpoint, we move on. The destination itself keeps changing its landscape because we keep changing. I’m not going to expect the same things I wanted for breakfast yesterday to be the same next week. I can’t even decide what shoes I want to wear. And I think it’s in that acceptance of changes that bliss happens. I actually expect things to go wrong and that I will fail at something now – I wasn’t like this before. I mentally flogged my soul for screwing up, but getting older & experiences also taught me the value of those mistakes. And they got me here.

So, am I okay after all these years? Sure. I’m okay today. Will I start blogging regularly? Probably not. But who knows? I’m not going to beat myself up for not doing it. Because really in the end, the result only matters when you’re happy with it. When you find your peace with it. And if I have to stand on ceremony each time before it becomes habit, then so be it.

My Father’s Eulogy

melissa — Fri, 31 Aug 2012 10:42:20 +0000

No one should ever have to say goodbye to their father twice. But I did. My brothers and I did. And lately this is something that I have been really struggling with.

For the past seven years, I have identified my growth by rooting it mostly from my father’s death. And I often wonder how different life could have been for me if he were still alive today. I struggled then and continue to struggle. This is something I cannot deny. And I have come to accept that this is a very real and huge part of my life. A very real and huge part that continues to teach me. And I believe a source for much of my strength today.

My dad was cremated in 2005 and my mom has kept his ashes since. This year she finally found the strength to lay his ashes to rest. So we prepared for his inurnment which happened on August 23rd. The preparation leading up to his memorial service shook my soul in a similar way it did seven years ago, but the difference this year is I’m seven years older. I’m a stronger woman at 32 — marked with the battle scars of surviving a loss and picking up the pieces of a world destroyed.

Apart from managing the memorial service preparation with my mom, she also asked me to do his eulogy… a part of me froze. Doing his eulogy felt much larger than anything I could ever do well and I didn’t know where to start. I avoided writing it. I hid in my own little cave. I cried. I visited those dark corners I’m always too frightened to visit. Battled with my own dragons and demons and somehow I came out on the other side. I dug deep enough and found faith in my ability to do this right.

The days leading up to the service were some of the hardest I’ve soldiered through. But I did it. Somehow I did it. I cried and showed myself at my most vulnerable to a small group of my father’s closest family and friends last week:

I’ve been trying to find the right words to convey just how loving and selfless my Dad was. It felt like every decision and move he made, you would find us, my brothers, my Mom and me at the heart of it all. He did it all for us. We were his world.

My Dad never gave us any reason to ever doubt that he loved us. He made sure that we knew it. So today we are not left hungry for his love. In fact, we are living in abundance of it. He died seven years ago and yet his love still feels as fresh as ever. Filling our days with courage and confidence — enough to build the lives he always wanted for us… even when he is gone.

It’s hard to talk about my Dad without mentioning my Mom. They loved and lived as one. They showed by example how a marriage should be and that finding true love was possible. Even after death and for many years since, I still see how Dad’s love sustains my Mom and how it continues to strengthen her. They had the kind of love that most of us would dream of, that most of us would live for — I felt lucky to see this at home. My brothers and I were lucky that this was the world Dad chose to create with Mom.

Our world is filled with sons & daughters who never heard their father say they loved them. Perhaps their dad walked out on them at a young age and left their mothers to raise them on her own. Or dads too tired from focusing on their careers to ever feel emotionally available to their children. Too scared to show affection to their children, to hug and love and kiss them.

With my dad, I am not left walking around with a void. He was always there for me. Every time he came back from a business trip or he flew in from spending time in the Philippines, he would shower me with hugs and kisses. And this continued throughout my life. During the latter part of his life and especially when I was older, he also became my friend. He always went above and beyond what was expected of him. There are far too many examples for me to list today.

For all of us and mostly for my brothers, he showed by example what a loving husband and father should be.

His legacy is this – the love he gave his family. And I want everyone to know and to remember that this was his greatest gift. I am grateful that Dad showed us what to value in life: that if you put love & family in the center of it all — you will have a life that is full and well-lived.

#resound11 Theme Song

melissa — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 02:27:51 +0000

#resound11 Prompt 05: Theme Song

If your life was a television show, what would its theme song be? What music would be cued at the start of the show or when you entered a scene? …

If you can find a link to a video or snippet of the song or the lyrics, please share it and explain why this song is your theme song and how it relates to your 2011.

___

Getting Closer by Hird youtube

You got to dance closer to the ones that you love
You got to dance closer to the ones that you love

You got to dance closer to the ones that you love
You got to dance closer to the ones that you love

Feel the rhythm with me
What must I do to make you see
Baby we could be a groove

Feel the rhythm with me
What must I do to make you see
Baby we could be a groove

You and I together
Dancing this rhythm
Rhythm of love, rhythm of love…

I had some difficulty with this prompt. I love music so much and it is always a challenge for me to pick just one song to define an extended period of time (especially a year. C’mon!) So… I’m going with a classic favorite of mine. I love everything about this track. The downtempo grooviness of it, the lyrics… it makes me happy.

2011 has felt like a year of redefining intimacy, letting my guard down, letting people in… in the most authentic way possible.

You got to dance closer to the ones that you love… it’s hard to imagine how that act (literally and figuratively) can ever be wrong. More of it in 2012.

#resound11 All is Love

melissa — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 01:46:34 +0000

#resound11 Prompt 25: All is Love

Who do you love unconditionally? Who loves you unconditionally? Who do you love despite their flaws? All is love.

—

Mom.

Easily. I absolutely treasure my close & awesome relationship with my mother. She’s my rock and I am hers. Since my dad’s passing, she and I have been working as a team through many, many, MANY hardships. She was also a little tough on me growing up and she’d always say, “I know what it takes to be a strong woman, a good wife and mom — I am training you. Just trust me…”

[I think she's right.]

My dad was the joker of the family; he always made mom laugh and brought her out of her shell. I was a little scared for a while that my mom would close herself off when my dad passed. I’m happy that she’s slowly finding her own way and I’m delighted every time she surprises me with her dark, twisted humor. And I just giggle knowing where I get it from. I love her to pieces. She really makes the world go round.

#resound11 Try

melissa — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 01:00:20 +0000

#resound11 Prompt 24: Try

What is one thing (activity, food, career, event, travel, etc.) that you’d like to try in 2012? Why haven’t you tried it yet? What makes 2012 the year to try it?

—-

France

I’d like to finally visit Paris. I keep talking about it and I have never been. I work for a company with its headquarters based in Bordeaux and I’ve been waiting for them to send me to our offices there. I thought I would eventually see Paris that way, but I may have to make this happen on my own. I was also hoping to see Paris for the first time as a honeymoon thing. But since I’m far from a marriage situation…again, I might have to make this happen on my own. Hey, why not?

Passe a l’action!

#resound11 Today Is All You Have

melissa — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 06:23:33 +0000

#resound11 Prompt 23: Today Is All You Have

It’s true, today is all you have, so why not make the most of it? Describe your perfect day, one that you’ve had this year or one that you’d like to have next year. What makes it perfect for you?

#nerdwedding11

My friends and I cannot stop talking about this day because it was probably one of the best days I/[we]‘ve ever experienced. Ever. Any day that includes one of the following:

family & friends
an outpouring of love
yummy food & drinks
adventure & exploration (in a wonderful city)
travel
photography
incredible music
dancing (lots of it)
laughing (lots of it)
handmade gifts
smiling (lots of it; the cheeks hurting from too much of it kind)
late night fun and more dancing

That day had all that and much much more. So if I can have another day as perfect as nerdwedding11 & perhaps share it with the love of my life — that would be it. THAT. WOULD. BE. IT.

#resound11 Identify the Problem

melissa — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 05:45:30 +0000

#resound11 Prompt 22: Identify the Problem

Today’s prompt is borrowed from Gretchen Rubin’s Happiness Project.

Identify the problem. That is, when you’re annoyed, angered, or frustrated, ask yourself, “What exactly is the problem here?”

Today, take a few minutes to ponder that one little, nagging issue that, if solved or eliminated, would make your life better. Perhaps, getting up five minutes earlier would make your life easier. Maybe smiling at that one coworker that drives you crazy would ease the tension. What small change in your life would or could make a big difference?

___

the little hater

There’s a great video by the inimitable Jay Smooth about the little hater. The little hater is basically that inner gremlin that tells you that you’re no good — it sucks you dry of your confidence and you feel unproductive and unworthy as a result. I found myself frustrated with colleagues and peers that couldn’t stop themselves from listening to the little hater. I identified that this was a huge issue with me because I couldn’t do it myself. That blasted little hater will creep up just when I feel I’ve got a project nailed, got a personal problem all figured out, or when I want to reward myself with something great and special for a job well done…

“Well, Melissa… you’re not [a,b,c] enough for [x,y,z] *evil laugh* You SUCK! *evil giggle*” …

How will I resound? I’m going to tell that little hater to f*ck off more often.

#resound11 Embrace

melissa — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 20:18:03 +0000

#resound11 Prompt 21: Embrace

What guilty pleasure have you embraced this year? What have you just accepted as something you enjoy and stopped denying it? What do you enjoy that would surprise people that know you?

If you’re still fighting your guilty pleasure, tell us what it is. Come clean. You’ll feel a lot better.

paranormal TV shows & movies

Yep. I love it all: Destination Truth, Ghost Adventures, Ghost Hunters, Paranormal State, Celebrity Ghost Stories… if it has anything to do with the paranormal – I will watch it. Don’t ask me how, don’t ask me why – I just do.

Just don’t turn the light off when you leave.

#resound11 Elevator Speech

melissa — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 20:00:12 +0000

#resound11 Prompt 20: Elevator Speech

If you had 30-90 seconds to describe yourself (give an elevator speech), how would you sum up who you are? Today’s prompt would make a great video if you have the capabilities.

Not the biggest fan of this prompt, but I’ll give it a shot…

Hi, I’m Melissa. I have a deep passion for photography and love living a very creative life. I care about people a lot and I’m always finding ways to help different communities in need. A lover of music, the sciences and the arts — everyday is fun when I can learn something new. I want to someday find a way to tie in all my interests into my love of travel. I’m an unrelenting optimist & fighter for the good.

I’m always looking for a good challenge and an adventure. Perhaps we can find one together?

#resound11 Then and Now

melissa — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 19:07:56 +0000

#resound11 Prompt 19: Then and Now

What was your life like a decade ago? How has your life changed since then? If you’re not feeling wordy today, why not show us some then and now portraits of yourself?

___

The short, fun lists…

2001

age: 21
dad was still alive and I was very close to him
a senior at UCLA
dating a terrible boy
working full-time and going to school full-time
traveled mostly for parties
night owl
languages (fluent in/learning): English, Tagalog & Spanish
an unbelievable social life (live shows, underground parties, raves, clubs, festivals – you name it, I was there)
not very creative
hip & sexy
jeans & heels
more makeup
short hair
occasional volunteer
voracious reader
music lover
city girl
PC
dream city: New York, NY
uncomfortable with myself

2011

age: 31
very close to mom
working full-time; part-time photographer & crafter
single
traveling mostly for pleasure
early bird; morning person
languages (fluent in/learning): English, Tagalog, Spanish, French & Italian
a well-chosen social life (brunch, museums, art shows, live music, festivals, conferences, broadway shows, the opera… etc etc)
creating something everyday
still hip & sexy
jeans & boots/chucks
less makeup + more skincare
long hair
frequent volunteer
voracious reader
music lover
nature girl
Mac
dream city: Portland, OR
comfortable with myself

#resound11 Traditions

melissa — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 18:08:16 +0000

#resound11 Prompt 18: Traditions

This is the time of year when families are upholding decades old traditions and working to create new ones. It doesn’t matter what you celebrate (or don’t) … please share with us your December traditions: how they got started, why you continue them, and why they are special to you.

___

NYE Good Luck Altar

Round fruit, coins, water, salt, sugar and uncooked rice… I honestly can’t tell you what all of this means. All I know is it brings good luck, abundance into the home for the new year.

For as long as I can remember my mom has been setting up this good luck altar on December 31st — this is usually her centerpiece. She surrounds this with food and I mean a lot of food. During my formative years, no matter where we were in life (struggling financially or comfortable) my mom made sure our dinner table was overflowing with food during the holidays. She wanted abundance for the new year and this was something that my grandma taught her. Now I find myself continuing on the tradition without questioning it. Someday I’ll ask how this tradition started. It is part of Filipino culture and the setup can vary in each household but the basics include fruit and coins.

This tradition is important to me because of what it reminds me: good fortune, culture & family. I love doing things my grandma taught us. And I find it important to remember our roots… our hardships… so the good moments can really shine.

#resound11 Appreciate

melissa — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 06:30:06 +0000

#resound11 Prompt 17: Appreciate

What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year?

How do you express gratitude for it?

quiet moments

My job responsibilities multiplied exponentially this year — on top experiencing a ton of changes in my personal life that made it feel like every minute was spoken for. I found myself waking up extra early on weekends just to enjoy the peace & quiet. I also started to really relish the hours I would spend unplugging from the internet and technology in general during my evenings after work to workout, read, craft, etc. The act of unplugging started to feel like air. I needed it to breathe, to recharge, to relax. I love staying connected to my loved ones don’t get me wrong. But I really saw the value in protecting my quiet moments to stay sane. I consume things when I want to almost voraciously and to balance that out I need to get away from it all. I shut it all down so I can find my balance… my peace. This has turned into a non-negotiable in my weekly schedule. I need it.

In 2012, I expect to find more quiet moments in my life and to perhaps multiply those small moments exponentially instead of the other way around.

#resound11 Ordinary Extraordinary

melissa — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 05:04:37 +0000

#resound11 Prompt 16: Ordinary Extraordinary

Sometimes the most ordinary, mundane things can turn into extraordinary moments. What was one of your most extraordinary ordinary moments this year?

street art

I feel lucky growing up in a city with street art found in almost every corner. Being a big city kid, I’m used to this being a part of the normal landscape, but as I’ve gotten older I try not to take this for granted. From large pieces that scale entire buildings to tiny stencil work on street corners. I respect art in every form. And being mindful of this, it helps me to stay alert and be very, very observant of my surroundings.

JR is a Parisian photographer/artist who uses ordinary B/W portraits to create massive pieces on buildings. The result stops you on your tracks. Literally. I wasn’t familiar with his work until I saw one of his pieces in person during a walking tour at CicLAvia earlier this year. The walking tour guide was busy talking about the architecture, the history of DTLA’s Theatre District — all interesting & awesome of course. But only two out of about twenty of us bothered to stop to take a shot of this piece above. I was so enamored by the size and the image. It was simple. It looks like anyone’s grandma… well, my grandma(s) in particular. And her facial expression and gesture of opening her eyes — spoke to me at that moment; like a reminder to me to stay alert.

Focus. Eyes open, little girl. Eyes open.

Mind was kinda blown a bit. Thanks, JR.

#resound11 Discovery

melissa — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 21:47:00 +0000

#resound11 Prompt 15: Discovery

We learn new things every day. Processes change at work. We meet new people. We cook new recipes. We are constantly learning and growing.But sometimes we learn something that qualifies as a discovery. A piece of new information – a feeling, a song, a place, an event, a book, a random fact – can sometimes change our view on the world and our place in it. Discovery can bring on positive change, but sometimes discovery is hard. Sometimes it causes conflict. But after a discovery, something about you just isn’t quite the same.What discovery did you make in 2011? What kind of impact did it have on how you view the world today?

____

Layers

“Everybody who comes here thinks they got the place figured out, but you can never get this place figured out,” … “This place is like ‘The Wizard of Oz.’ ” – Ice Cube on Los Angeles, Ice Cube Is In the House!

What I love most about that NYT article on Ice Cube Celebrating the Eameses is how it manages to break through barriers: we learn about Ice Cube being a former architectural student and about Los Angeles through his eyes as a native. Both adding depth to him and our hometown and probably creating an element of surprise to anyone who thought they had both Ice Cube and L.A. all figured out.

One of the things that irritate me the most (perhaps because I do this, too) is feeling boxed in to a certain type; when folks think they have me all figured out. I think I am generous & kind & often mild-mannered and I think sometimes this translates to pushover, naive, weak, gullible, Polly Anna, etc etc. Not to mention other labels that relate to my race, age, appearance and background. I don’t hear these labels said to my face, but they hurt when I know the person saying them to me has no clue what I’m about at all.

2011 has felt like my year of peeling back those layers. Slowly allowing others to see the many sides of me — all angles, all shades of dark and light. Creating more substance to my story and to my character. I often surprise myself at times too when I discover that – hey! I can do that or WOW! I really hate that actually. I’m never doing THAT again… y’know? Or I’ll say something completely unexpected like “Bleep bleep bleep that, mother-bleeper!!! BLEEP BLEEP! !@$%!!”. Y’know? Surprise!? Not really. I was always like that, I just never showed you.

We constantly move and change and grow and we can never really stop discovering new things about ourselves everyday. It’s fun once you figure out the dynamics of this ride.

So, the next time you find yourself judging another person – stop and ask yourself about their story. You may not know it at that moment, but it helps to know that they have one. We all do.

Peel back your layers, baby.

#resound11 Home is …

melissa — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 02:42:11 +0000

#resound11 Prompt 14: Home is …

When did you feel most at home this year: in your life, in your space, in your career, in your skin? What factors make that situation feel like home? Do certain comforts make your space feel like home? Does being with certain people make you feel complete? Is there an activity in which you excel that makes you feel like you’re doing what you were meant to do?This is your life. Where do you live? Where is home?

How will you resound?

____

Nichos

I’m a creature of comfort. I’m very, very attracted to places, situations, people and things that are very comforting– as I’ve gotten older I’ve done things less for the sake of [fill in the blank]. I want it to feel warm and inviting and nothing for show. I’m not one to stay uncomfortable. (see also: high heels, stuffy work events, 3D IMAX movies that have no business being in 3D – my poor eyes… you get the point) I’m an advocate of simple pleasures and I wake up looking for it. I’m grateful to have the ability to bring comfort with me wherever I go. When I make a situation comfortable then I have to work less at staying comfortable and actually find myself really enjoying the moment.

In 2011, I drove down to San Diego to visit my friend Marty. The photos I took of her at the 2008 Dia de los Muertos celebration in Hollywood Forever were hand picked by a curator of an art+photography show in Oregon back in 2009. I decided I would participate again for the 2012 show. I spent more time getting to know Marty and her family during my visit earlier this year; and I started to figure out why I’m so attracted to Dia de los Muertos as a whole. It reminds me of Filipino culture, my family — and I absolutely love what the altars represent. The effort each family member gives to honoring their deceased loved one by building ofrendas feels familiar to me somehow. In Central and South America (mostly found Latin folk art) there’s something called nichos - I love these so much. Filipinos are heavily influenced by Spanish+ Latin culture — and the familiar look of nichos is something I find so comforting. It just feels like home. And I found it hard to describe my attraction to Mexican Dia de los Muertos art until Marty told me what nichos were after pointing one out to her.

2012: now that I know what nichos are I will seek out more of them in my life, both in the literal & figurative sense.

#resound11 Best Gift

melissa — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 21:04:49 +0000

#resound11 Prompt 13: Best Gift

The holiday season is typically a time we focus on others, sometimes at the expense of ourselves. I can get so caught up in the expectations of the season that I have a hard time remembering to enjoy the peace and wonder of the season. I can forget to take time to care for myself. So lets look back on how we cared for ourselves. Maybe we’ll inspire each other to take a few minutes for ourselves today.

What was the best gift you gave yourself this year? Did you buy big, fluffy towels? Did you have a massage on a day when you really needed it? Did you forgive someone and give yourself the freedom from that grudge?

Peace of mind

I finally took it easy on myself. Accepted my reality and the powerful and painful experiences that shaped me. It took a long time to get here. It also took a long time to realize that those experiences were not reflections of my failure as a sister, daughter, friend, significant other, or employee — they taught me to be a fighter. I needed those experiences to grow and to fight for all the things I believe in and want.

It’s funny how we often lie to ourselves just to coast through life. We settle. We convince ourselves that we’re fine when we’re not.

Finally understanding that there is nothing wrong with failing, nothing wrong with feeling like shit, nothing wrong with disagreeing with loved ones, nothing wrong with saying no, nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it. That’s just life, we’re human. Shit always happens but there’s good shit too. Just don’t be scared of the bad shit. The bad shit is there to remind you to work harder for the good.

Because all the good is waiting for you to arrive and to finally accept that it is yours to have.

#resound11 12: 12 in 12

melissa — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 20:26:41 +0000

#resound11 Prompt 12: 12 in 12

Take today to talk about 12 things you would like to accomplish in 2012. These 12 things can be 12 resolutions, 12 changes in your life, 12 wines you’d like to drink, 12 cities you’d like to visit, or 12 monthly goals. The decision is yours. Good luck and have fun!

Wanderlust

My 2012 travel destination wishlist

Portland, Oregon
Eugene, Oregon
Portland, Maine
Brattleboro, VT
New York, NY
Atlanta, GA
Chicago, IL
Kilauea, Kauai
Corcovado, Costa Rica
Bordeaux, France
Paris, France
London, UK

#resound11 Best Meal

melissa — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 18:30:58 +0000

#resound11 Prompt 11: Best Meal

What is the best meal or best food that you have eaten all year? Did you make it? Did you get it at a restaurant? Do your best to describe the food and the experience with us.

Sukkot

Hands down my best meal was Sukkot brunch at the Jones-Setters household in Louisville this year. It was a perfect fall day, it was a little windy but the sun was shining. Michelle was up early baking cupcakes and her blueberry coffee cake, B made eggs, veggie sausages and potatoes. Other guests brought sliced fruit and the table was abundant with yummy goodness. The table settings were lovely and reminded me of Provence. It felt like we were dining outdoors in some European countryside. The conversation flowed and the food was delicious. Perfect.

Another highlight for me during that brunch was meeting Sam, a 101 year old retired mechanical engineer who regaled us with tales of his engineering triumphs and American history. I was charmed. Michelle and I have been writing each other back and forth for years and I’ve heard so much about Sam prior to this trip. To a point that I was a little nervous to meet him. He blew me a kiss when they drove way after brunch.

I think the brunch was very successful overall.

#resound11 High/Low

melissa — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 18:03:11 +0000

#resound11 Prompt 10: High/Low

Today is a bit of a choose your own adventure: write (paint, draw, photograph, record, etc.) about your best experience this year. If that’s not your cup of joe, write about your worst experience. Feeling chatty? Share both your best and worst moments.How will you resound?

—

Meeting Sierra.

Ingrid & I have been friends for over 10 years. She was a writer for XLR8R and I was still in college + interning for URB — both passionate about music and young. We met while she was on assignment for an new artist at the time called Peven Everrett.

We’ve partied hard from LA to NY to SF and in between. Nursed each other through disappointing jobs, broken hearts, family ups and downs… you name it. For a while there we were inseparable, but life sorta happened in between and lost touch. Like the natural ebb and flow of friendships we’re back in a nice flow that feels constant. But it’s different now. Gone are the days of rooftop parties in Williamsburg or the underground warehouse events in LA — we’re grown ups.

She’s an amazing poet living in Oakland, married to an awesome guy and recently became a mom. Meeting Sierra, her daughter, was a definitely one of the highlights of my year. Watching Ingrid with her daughter is something I can’t describe. Brought me a lot of joy to finally see Ing glowing with love and happiness she’s dreamed all of those years. She fought hard for it.

Now she’s carrying love in her arms. I’m glad I met her.

#resound11 Catch Phrase

melissa — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 17:21:29 +0000

#resound11 Prompt 08: Catch Phrase

What’s your trademark phrase? Not sure? How about a quote or saying that you repeat often? Bonus points if it’s new for 2011, but we won’t be upset if it’s been around longer than that. Try to put it in context for us if it’s a little abstract.

Whoa.

How will you resound?

___

Boom!

I don’t know where I caught it from. Possibly the internet, possibly TV, possibly from another friend but I found myself saying it a lot especially on Twitter mostly to provide extra emphasis to a job well done (for me or for a loved one). 2011 was mostly about getting it done. 2010 felt like another year of cleansing and making space. 2011 was when all of it happened — not all, but some. Really important ones.

BOOM!, baby. #boom

2012? Who knows… I’m definitely making more space for good things. Cleaning house as it were. Watch out.

#resound11 Best Photo

melissa — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 18:27:05 +0000

#resound11 Prompt 09: Best Photo

For the past 8 days, we’ve talked about our year. For the next 7 days (with a break in between for a special prompt), we’re going to talk about the best things of 2011, then we’ll round out the month planning for 2012.Today, please post your best photo of the year. It doesn’t have to be the best technically, it doesn’t have to be the best visually, but it should be a photo that you consider the best. Does it have special meaning? Is it of a significant event or moment? Share it with us!What if you don’t have a photo? That’s OK, share an explanation of a “missed shot,” or a photo you wish you could have taken had you had your camera with you or if your camera would have cooperated.How will you resound?

Tiffany & Jason

You know that saying: You are who you are when no one is looking. As a photographer, I focus on capturing situations as if I was never there. When a camera is pointed at us, there is a natural inclination to strike a pose. Presenting our best face possible — I’m interested in that, too. Of course. But the natural ones are really the ones that I chase. They matter the most to me. I want to share those quiet/hidden moments because they matter. They’re real. They show a slice of life untouched. Organic. I want to act as a window into real life with the use of my camera. I’m not interested in creating manufactured scenes. Other photographers do that well — and I wish I could be better at it, but it’s not my favorite thing to photograph.

So, my favorite photo I took this year was a happy accident actually (my flash didn’t go off ). It was Tiffany & Jason’s first dance to Amel Larrieux’s For Real. I took a ton of shots with the two of them nuzzling, laughing, kissing and smiling. But this is my favorite. It’s as if everyone else disappeared in the room. And that’s how I’ve always pictured two people in love. The world melts away. And all that is left is each other.

Natural & beautiful, right?

#resound11 Achievement Unlocked

melissa — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 17:35:00 +0000

#resound11 Prompt 07: Achievement Unlocked

What goal did you set for yourself and achieve this year? Did you achieve something you didn’t think you could? Did you win an award? Did you set a record? Did you finally get your VCR from 1985 to stop blinking 12:00? C’mon, share it! Today is your chance to brag and get a resounding round of interweb applause.Congratulations! You did it!How will you resound?

___

New wheels

So… I just bought a new car. *throws confetti at self*

I’ve been wanting a new car for years and yet never got around to doing this. Why? I always thought I needed a man with me to help me negotiate and stand in as a buffer between me & the scary car salesman. This sounds ridiculous right? It is. And sorry to all my feminist friends out there, but yeah — this was the only reason that kept me from buying new wheels on my own. Again, my dad (a former car salesman at one point in his life) rocked the hell out of the negotiating hustle. Despite working in business and having a good grasp of negotiating myself, I was scared shitless about stepping foot on a car dealership on my own. CRAZY!

F*ck it let’s do this: me two weeks ago. Yay!: me today; new car parked outside, keys in my hand. Breaking through fears and cutting them loose has me winning more and more each day. And I’m doing it on my own. Independent & proud.

#resound11 Thelma & Louise

melissa — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 22:33:01 +0000

#resound11 Prompt 06: Thelma & Louise

So far you’ve summed up the year in one word, admitted your vices, touted your virtues, revealed your superpower, and let us in on your theme song, but no superhero does it alone …Who is the Thelma to your Louise? Who is your partner in crime? Did you reacquaint yourself with an old friend? Did you make a new friend? Or, perhaps, you are a lone ranger?Take some time today to look back on how you spent your year and give a shout out to anyone that helped to make it special. If you don’t have any close friends that fit the bill, think about who you spend your time with on a regular basis, who is the bright spot in your day? Maybe you joke around with a coworker just to get through the day. Maybe the barista who serves your coffee knows your order by heart and/or knows when to suggest you mix it up. Who makes your life just a little bit better just by being themselves?How will you resound?

___

My chosen fam

There’s a scene from Clueless where Cher talks about all her friends: how she loves spending time with each friend and why, what makes them special, why they are so unique, why they are different and what she learns from each – I’m lucky enough to have a similar situation in my life. My friends & I lovingly refer to our group as fam or chosen fam — because it really feels that way. We are family. We come from all different backgrounds, different states, different cultures and it is absolutely amazing how much we really love & enjoy each other. Twitter feels like our primary way to communicate daily – there’s an LA, SF, New Orleans, Louisville, Atlanta, Minneapolis, TX, NY contingent. And throughout every social media network we are connected. SXSW Interactive saw us reunited. I was lucky enough to experience this for 2 years out of the x amount my group has been attending South By.

In May of this year, two of our favorite people got married and we all flew to New Orleans (some who actually live there didn’t have to, Hi D!) — and we had a blast. Had a blast is actually an understatement. We glowed for week after the Brown-Toney nuptials. Yes, the week was about Jason & Tiffany, but it was also about family, love, connection, commitment — and I realize that for the first time in my life: I felt at home. My friends feel like home. Like a warm blanket or a nice cup of tea — they make me smile, they make me laugh, they get me. I get them. I love them. And without having to name them off in this post – they know who they are. Each as unique as the stars in the sky — all bright in their own way, all amazing, all important.

They are my Thelmas and my Louises. And I am forever grateful to have them all in my life. They make living this life special. Always.

#resound11 Superpower

melissa — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 01:01:35 +0000

#resound11 Prompt 04: Superpower

Faster than a speeding bullet. More powerful than a locomotive. Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound … we know you’ve got one. What’s your 2011 superpower?

For those of you going what the what … stop. Think about it for a moment: what have you learned that you can do better than anyone you know this year? What can you do that no one else can? Don’t be shy!

How will you resound?

___

MacGyvery

An elderly friend of mine gave me some feathers and string this year and jokingly asked me to make something for her granddaughter. I came back to her the next day with a brooch and matching hair pins. “How did you make this? Do you have instructions?” ”No, just my imagination.” ”You’re like MacGyver.”

My creative life blossomed a little more this year. I noticed that I have the ability to break down components of a craft project without looking at instructions; I just need to see a photo of it. Like an architect to a building, I know the blueprint before I even have the chance to get it down on paper. I do this with just about every personal project I have in my head: mentally filing images that inspire me and manifest them into crafts later on. I also mentally file away the things my loved ones love and try to tie it into a craft project that feels very personal to them. This is probably how I engineer most of the things I make. And I’m excited to see what I will create in 2012.